Month 42

Nuala,

Lots of big news in the last month, much of which you took note of, but let’s assume for a moment that you will enjoy reading about this many years down the road, okay? You might also assume that it’s difficult for me to write anything in the fall semester, which is basically a marathon conducted at a sprint pace, and so I’m taking the opportunity of a monthly letter to you to catch up with myself.

First things first, Halloween was a great success. Mamaw had gotten you a fairy-angel-princess something-or-other costume for Aunt Lanie’s party, so we reused it for our trip around the neighborhood in search of candy. We found candy.

We went to the first house, where you got two or three pieces of candy. You looked in your bag and asked if we could go home, I suspect because you were eager to eat it. I convinced you to get all the way to the end of the block before we turned around, since not all of our neighbors were prepared for trick-or-treating, and to get a real trick-or-treat experience, we’d need to travel a ways. You ended up with about 25 days’ worth of loot (we doled out a piece or two every day). You enjoyed it, but frankly, you got a bigger kick out of handing out candy to trick-or-treaters at our house. Daddy and I love participators, and you, my dear, are a participator.

After Halloween, we coasted through the last few days of the election cycle. Sure, it’s maddening to live in a state where Daddy and I know that virtually everyone we vote for will lose; on the other hand, we miss the terrible onslaught of political ads that swamp our friends in swing states. We take what we can get, you know? I had Election Day off, as did you, and we had a lovely mid-week break. We went for a run (you in the stroller) and swung by our polling place (the nearby elementary school) to vote afterwards. As usual, you were energized by the crowd of mostly elderly people who smiled at everything you did, as well as by the folded-up cafeteria tables that made great jungle gyms. It took longer for me to vote than it should have, because nature called you TWICE when I was in line. I do love being in a crowded place and hearing you shout, “I gotta poop, Mom!” I finally got to vote, however, and you appropriated my sticker.

Daddy and I were happy with the national outcome, if not our state returns, for a few reasons. One, though we have many reasons to be critical of President Obama’s administration’s approach to foreign policy and to be frustrated that it is not as progressive as we’d prefer, at this stage in American political history, there is simply no way we could support a Republican administration (see, for example, this perspective which seemed to be dominant). Two, this election marked a 180-degree turn from the elections of 2000 and 2004, where marriage initiatives turned voters out to vote against gay marriage and for conservative candidates. This time, in all four states where marriage equality initiatives were on the ballot, people voted to either legalize marriage or prevent a constitutional ban on gay marriage. Why is this important to me and your dad? Because we believe that marriage equality is the civil rights issue of our time. The definition of family is, as it ever has been, changing, and we believe gender, like race, is irrelevant to whether consenting adults should be able to accept the blessings and burdens of marriage and family. Thankfully, an increasing proportion of the American population believes this is true as well, and we hope that by the time you’re our age, you’ll have as hard a time imagining a time when gay people couldn’t marry as we’ve had imagining a time when white and black people couldn’t marry. Third, the next Congress will have a record number of women Senators (20 of 50) and Representatives (at least 77). It will also be the most ethnically and religiously diverse Congress in history. In short, it will look more like the United States of America, and that is a very good thing. It is difficult in election years to think positive thoughts about our future, what with all the finger-pointing and craven tactics, but on the evening of November 7 and the morning of November 8, I thought lots of positive thoughts about what’s waiting for us in the years to come.

Speaking of positive thoughts, I’ve had some good news (probably?) about my health recently. At the beginning of November, I had a spell of really uncomfortable irregular heartbeat, as well as terrible vertigo for a few days following a fun but kind of difficult 6-mile run with you in the stroller. I went to a doctor, a different person from the one who had diagnosed me with chronic fatigue last April, and he said, “I don’t think it’s chronic fatigue. Sounds like vertigo.” So hooray! But then he said, “Let’s also get an EKG and take a look at your heart.” I had the EKG that morning, and then the day before Thanksgiving, when we were on the road to Grandmom and Tom-Tom’s, the nurse called to say there was an irregularity the cardiologist wanted to take a closer look at. Sometime soon, I will be wearing a Holter monitor for a week. Absolutely no idea what all that will entail, but you know what? There’s a huge difference between “Here’s this recognizable problem with your heart, an organ that doctors have been studying for hundreds of years” and “You probably have a vaguely-defined syndrome that has no effective treatment nor cure, and that will affect virtually everything you do for the next year at the very least, that might go away or return for the rest of your life, no one really knows; hang in there and have a nice day!” Call me crazy, but I prefer the former.

And now for actually, unambiguously positive news, you are THRILLED about Christmas. For the first time ever, we put up a Christmas tree before December because every time we’ve seen Christmas decorations anywhere, you’ve declared them “BEAUUUUUTIFUL!”  You have already decorated, undecorated, and redecorated the lower half of the tree. I have been rolling a foggy memory of a beloved Advent calendar around in my mind and wishing for a vintage version of Amazon to find it; I think we’ll have to do with a contemporary iteration. In any case, all I can really remember is a felt background with a tree and plastic ornaments (a candy cane, a nutcracker) with Velcro to make them stick. It would probably look pretty cheap these days, but you will one day find out that memories transform even–maybe especially–the most ordinary bits and pieces in your past into objets-d’art. And then, if and when you become a parent, you get to dredge up the memories as you re-learn to be excited about Christmas!

One last thing: that house that we owned in South Bend? The one you lived the first two-plus years of your life in? We have finally signed a contract with a buyer. If all goes as planned, our last physical link with the preceding chapter of our lives will be cut by Christmas. It’s about time–it’s been on the market for over a year. In theory, we’re sad to see it go; in reality, we’re tremendously relieved and ready to focus on our future here.

And what does the future hold? Christmas! Two weeks of quality time with Mommy! Too many sweets! Too many gifts! But precisely the right amount of snuggles and giggles and delightfulness. Can’t wait.

Love,

Mommy